Draco Malfoy's Essay on the Polyjuice Potion
by formerlyknownasone
Summary: Draco attempts to write an essay for Potions, but ends up writing rubbish to fill in spaces... And about a certain someone. DMHG oneshot


Hey guys! Read this! It's a really funny piece in Draco's POV in a Potions Assignment with mild DMHG romance. Enjoy!

I solemnly swear that the characters and potion ingredients are not mine, and that I am up to no good. LOL.

_Italics is for Draco's Proper part of the Essay _

Normal is for his own written thoughts just mainly to fill up blank spaces in his essay.

**Bold is for Snape. **

Polyjuice Potion Essay

_by Draco Malfoy_

_The Polyjuice Potion, according to Moste Potente Potions, is an extremely complex potion to brew and concoct. The usage of the Polyjuice Potion is strictly monitored by the Ministry of Magic since 1867, as it is highly dangerous and may result in many side effects. _I don't even know why I'm writing this stupid one feet long essay to you Snape, except just to complete my Potions assignment. Anyway you are never even going to bother to read this properly, right you git? You will probably be just skim through the first few words of each paragraph and give me an 'Outstanding' anyway, even if the essay's like crap, because I am in Slytherin. So let's just get on with it while I fill this parchment up with more bull. Blah Blah Blah.

_Polyjuice Potion, when consumed, will result in the transformation of a person to the likeness of another. The potion, when properly made, should be around the shade of murky green, though colour varies after adding a portion of the person whose appearance you wish to take on. _You know who needs a dose of Polyjuice? Crabbe does. And you. Wouldn't you be glad to, for once, not greasy hair? Since obviously the secret stash of oil-control hair lotion you been using is not working. Perhaps this will bring about an improvement eh, you slime ball? You know who else needs some polyjuice potion? Milicent Bulstrode does. I mean, eww. How awful does she look? You never seen her wearing pants two sizes too tight have you Snape? Well you are lucky. God her arse is fat. Can't she look like someone better... Like Hermione Granger? Wait. What did I just write?

_Ingredients needed include lacewings flies. Lacewing flies help to counter the effects of disfiguration on the consumer's face, such as scars and boils. _Maybe I should sent Potter some for Christmas. It may help get rid of that lightning scar he thinks is so cool. Stupid Potter. That Swine. This may do you some good too Snape. Because in case you haven't look in the mirror lately, you are hideous. With a captial 'H'. Yes, the same letter as 'H' for Hermione, except she looks way better than you do. Even though I won't admit that to the others. But god, she is so beautiful. How could anyone look as good as her?

_Leeches and fluxwood is also a vital ingredient to be added to the potion. While the usage of leeches in Polyjuice Potion is unknown, it is believed that without the addition of leeches, the results of the Polyjuice Potion may lead to dire consequences._ You know who acts like a leech? Parkinson. GOD why doesn't she leave me alone. That blood-sucking Pansy Parkinson. She is so irritating. If she doesn't leech onto me twenty hours a day, I swear by Slytherin's name that Hermione will at least be mildly interested in me. But unfortunately it won't ever happen, because Parkinson is enamoured by my good looks. Bet you never had anyone leeching onto you Snape. I mean, who would, with hair like yours? Let me just get on crapping in this essay and get my pain over and done with.

_Powdered horn of a Bicorn also plays an important role in neutralizing the acidic effects of the Polyjuice Potion. The acidic nature of the Polyjuice Potion may cause the consumer to have a bad stomachache, or induces serious vomiting. _Not that you don't make me want to projectile vomit Snape. Because you do. You do realise you have really bad body odour, do you? Weasley, Potter's squeaky sidekick, constant slobbers and drools in the presence of a certain Hermione also makes me feel like puking. I mean, how could anyone act so pathetic? But then again, I'm not sure if I'm not doing the same thing in front of her.

_Boomslang skin is extremely valuable, but its magical properties makes it suitable to be added to the Potion. The skin would ensure that the transformation of the consumer is only a temporary state_. Don't you wish that some people would just permanently drink Polyjuice Potion? Pansy Parkinson for instance. If she took the potion with essence of Hermione inside, perhaps it will make her whining almost bearable. If she look like Hermione, I don't think I would mind half as much as I do now. But then again, She will never possess one third the intelligence of Hermione, so why do I even bother? That can never be two Hermione, because she is so unique. I don't think the world could stand it too. Right?

_Polyjuice Potion however, cannot be used on humans to take the form of animals. This may cause drinker to have a burning sensation as well as suffer disastrous effects of the potion_. Damn. There goes my plan to steal one of Granger's hair to change Pansy's look. Hermione has a cat. What if I accientally feed cat hair to Pansy instead? She may end up looking like a feline forever. But then on second thoughts... That is not such a bad idea. There will be definite improvement in Parkinson's looks. And the idea of Parkinson in the hospital wing would really give me tears of relief. Not grief.

_Therefore, I conclude that Polyjuice Potion is not advisable for students to attempt to make the potion, as it is an extremely complicated process and may go wrong._ This is really a stupid assignment. No one except for Hermione would be able to make this potion anyway, so why do we even bother to learn? Why am I even writing a even more idiotic supposedly essay on the Polyjuice Potion but finally end up moaning and groaning to you about my unrequited love to Hermione Granger just to fill up blank spaces on the parchment? We all know you are not going to read it anyway, so you might as well stop pretending to read my essay right now because I know you are skimming through the words and not absorbing anything I write. And don't put your nose to near the paper git, you may get grease on it. Just give me the 'O'. Now.

**Very good piece of work Draco. Detailed explanations on the effects and neccessity to make Polyjuice Potion with precaution. An obvious "Outstanding' deserved. Keep it up.**

So what do you guys think? Please Please Please Review!


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